Sunday, December 11, 2011

But I've got no secrets that I babble in my sleep*

So, my crazy, stalker neighbor is back. 

I woke up this morning looking a bit like a crack whore.  Apparently, I fell asleep last night before washing my makeup off (I had more makeup than normal on because I had to go to a work party), and my eye liner and mascara had smudged just a bit.  (And by just a bit, I'm not exaggerating when I say I looked entirely cracked out). 

I didn't have time to wash my face when I woke up, Oscar was begging to go out.  So, I figured, meh, whatever.  I dont care. 

I take him outside, and realize, crap, I REALLY need to rake the lawn, and this was basically the only weekend I had available until next year.  So, I brought Oscar inside and started raking (still in my pajamas and entirely unwashed). 

It was early enough, I figured nobody would see me, and seriously, who do I have around here that I care about impressing? 

Not even ten minutes later, the neighbor's door opens and he comes bounding out on to the front porch to "smoke" a cigarette (seriously, he practically jumped out the door and then lit the cigarette but never actually brought it too his mouth).  I do my best to not look in his general direction and ignore him (kind of hard when your yard is the size of a postage stamp). 

THEN, he walks over to me and starts helping me put my leaves in a bag.  So, I honestly would LOVE the help, but seems like a bit of a jerk move to let him help as I continue ignoring him.  I tell him I really didn't need the help, but I appreciated it anyway, and he won't stop!  Ugh.

Then, he tells me that I'm looking not so pretty this morning, but that's ok, he'll get over it because he likes me anyway (um...thanks?).  He keeps trying to ask me out and where I had been for the last week or so.  I finally said that I had been on vacation with a guy I was dating (yes, I lied, and I have no shame...) and he gets quiet for a second and then says.  Oh, well I bet it's not serious, and even if it is, you can still go out and date me. 


So, the lie gets deeper...and I say, no, we agreed to not see anyone else.  He, stops and thinks a bit, and says, well you didn't sign any paperwork right?  You can still go on a date with me and he'll never know.  (A- what paperwork??? B- ARE YOU KIDDING ME???)

Ok, ass.  I already disliked you, now I hate you even more because you are actively encouraging me to cheat (Ok, granted, I had nobody to actually cheat on...but you still shouldn't be encouraging it!!!!).  Ugh.  So, he spends the next twenty minutes trying to get me to go on a date with him. 

I FINALLY finished the lawn and tried to head inside and he kept insisting I stay out and hang out with him.  I managed to get away, but seriously.  He sucks.  I'm so ready for him to move out (crossing fingers he really leaves at the end of December). 

Luckily, the rest of my day rocked and hung out with Bug.  Definitely an improvement :-)

*Missy Higgins


Anonymous said...

Wow, Creepy McCreeperson. That's awful. Also, I think by paperwork he meant marriage certificate.
In any case, I'm glad you lied, and I hope he moves soon, because that's really unsettling.

R said...

so strange :-/
heart u!

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